Wednesday, 20 January 2016

From Script to Screen: Online Greenlight Review

1 comment:

  1. OGR 21/01/16

    Hi Eleanor,

    Okay - very nearly there, but I'd argue that the emotional sight-lines of your story aren't yet completely clear. I'd also take issue with the necessity of your seers having to be mechanical. It seems like a complication to me and a distraction from the already high-concept idea of the 'factory'. The idea of the 'Factory of Fate' being like some cosmic 'marble run' is a very strong idea; a cross between this:

    and this:

    I wonder if you could simplify things for yourself (and for us too) by making it 'a forbidden love story'; the seers you describe are basically 'The Fates' or Moirai

    The idea that one of these fates, or seers takes special interest in the life of a mortal would indeed be a forbidden interest; if you were able to show how the seer in question was manipulating the see-saw device, 'saving' the child from an early death etc. and intervening you would create tension. It would be 'her' story in this sense.

    What I did like was the downbeat ending in your story idea, so I was wondering if things could take a dark turn; for example, imagine if, at the end of your film, the seer has manipulated the life of this child into adulthood, saving him always from harm - and then, in the last crystal ball we see the face of the adult she's nurtured since infancy, and it's this guy...

    In essence, you've got a story about 'motherhood' - or parenting, but in common with something 'We Need To Talk About Kevin', you could show how parenting can go horribly wrong.

    So, my response is make the seer someone we can identify with; they're in the slightly tragic position of passively watching while the see-saw decides, and I think you could make us 'want' the seer to interfere and makes us think that's a good thing. Like I said, the downbeat ending is nice, but as suggest above, I think you could end things very darkly, as we discover, to our horror, that we've just watch the origin story of a real world monster.