Wednesday, 3 February 2016

From Script to Screen: Online Greenlight Review #2

1 comment:

  1. 04/02/2016

    Morning Eleanor,

    All the early work you've put in on this story is paying off now, as it's pretty much ready to go. I suppose I still want to see more evidence of the dangers of interfering on screen; as the taking of the energy and the smashing of the crystals doesn't show us explicitly that other people's lives are being impacted upon; everything remains a little abstracted. Could it be as simple as that when we see the crystals smashing, we catch glimpses of the lives inside them coming to an end? Little snapshots of misery... I was wondering too if a nice ending shot, following the smashed crystal ball, might be if we see the seer inside one of the machines herself - reduced to a mere mechanism, a cog in the machine? It does rather feel as if she goes unpunished, considering the chaos she's been responsible for.

    In terms of enrichments: I wonder if you need an establishing exterior shot of the factory at the very start of your film; it could be that the camera pans up through mist, to find this strange factory suspended in some limbo-place or similar. I just think it would be nice to be introduced to the place before we go inside it; it's also a nice opportunity for a bit more design. The factory could sort of be in a nowhere space - nice and mysterious.

    In terms of your visual concept/character design, I want to push you towards even greater simplification; take a look at this trailer for The Secret of Kells; your latest Seer designs put me in mind of it and do think you could move everything along a little further in terms of clarifying your production design rules. Take a look:

    I look forward to seeing you push all of this along towards a more 'client-facing' standard - and don't forget your sound design duties as you start thinking about putting your animatic together; lots of fun opportunities for creative sound design in your world!