Friday, 22 January 2016

@Phil - From Script to Screen: Post OGR Story Idea

After reading my OGR feedback, I've had some new ideas...
  • The beginning is mostly the same, the Seer places a crystal ball in an empty machine, seeing a new-born baby in the crystal...
  • In the factory are several signs that read: "WE MUST NOT INTERFERE"
  • Over time, the Seer studies the crystal, witnessing events in the persons life, E.g.: learning to walk, breaking a limb, going to school, the loss of a loved one, etc.
  • One day, observing the crystal ball, the seer notices it has tilted all the way to the right, for bad fortune. Looking into the crystal she can see the person is lying in bed, gravely ill.
  • She goes to move the crystal ball but stops herself. She walks away, but goes back to check the crystal later, seeing no change.
  • Without a second thought, she waves her hand over the crystal, and it begins to tilt on the see-saw, stopping at the center. Satisfied with the choice she made, she moves away, noticing a nearby machine has stopped working.
  • The next day, more machines have shut down. She quickly begins replacing the crystal balls.
  • As time goes on, more machines switch off, causing several see-saws to tilt to the right, before more machines shut down.
  • The Seer knows her interference has caused this; the person she saved was supposed to die, but her saving them has changed the fortunes of everyone around them. 
  • Struggling to keep up with replacing the crystal balls, she runs to the machine holding the life she saved, all the machines around it have stopped working.
  • She grabs the crystal ball from the machine and stares into it, the person is contently sat reading a book in their home. She looks up at one of the signs in the factory.
  • Crying, she drops the ball, and it smashes at her feet.
  • The story ends with the image of the broken crystal ball on the ground.

  • Other Seers discover what she did, and decide on destroying the crystal ball.
  • The story ends with her being held back by one Seer, while an older Seer removes the crystal and smashes it.
  • The story ends with the image of the broken crystal ball on the ground.

1 comment:

  1. Hey Eleanor,

    LOVE this idea of all the other machines going out of synch because of meddling by the seer! Your challenge now is to ensure that you visually establish the 'rules' of the fate factory and do it quickly - because your current treatment sounds 'long', because it implies a lot of time passing, and you need to come up with ways to condense all of that without rushing us through the action to the detriment of your audience understanding what's going on. Time to thumbnail your first attempt at boarding this story out.